


Should've cared more

by Accohen



Series: Forgiveness [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Love, M/M, Regret, Soul mate, angust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 07:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12743622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accohen/pseuds/Accohen
Summary: Percy seeks Nico forgiveness. It was all his fault. Pernico.Spoiler House of Hades, what should've had happened after our demigods left the House of Hades.





	Should've cared more

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Deveria ter me importado mais](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052704) by [Accohen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accohen/pseuds/Accohen). 



> Hello, How's everyone?  
> This story begins inspired in a scene of House of Hades, but it doens't have any real spoilers.  
> This going to be part of a series that I be posting as quick as can. i'm not sure when but I try my best.  
> English's not m first language so it may be some mistakes. Now, with all of this said, go ahead and have fun!

If Percy had paid any attention, he wouldn't be in that position.

"...what do you think?"

Well, now that he was looking at Nico, was hard not to see. He hated that feeling, to know that Nico was so close, just a touch away, without being able to touch him again.

Percy felt a hand touching his arm, and then, in his shoulder, a pale sensation compared to what he was feeling just by looking at Nico who was standing on the other side of the field, sitting next to Hazel.

"Hmm? What?" He said, felling again Annabeth touching his arms, trying to draw his attention.

"Percy! Did you heard what I said? We need supplies."

Percy didn't want to be there. He didn't want to go in direction of another war, he didn't want to think about supplies or be miles away from Nico.

"Can you take care of this? Why don't you ask Hazel? I bet she knows the closer place to get what we need."

Percy kept looking ahead, as if he could only see the sea-line, watching almost in slow motion as Annabeth got up snorting, walking away from him while Nico choose that exact moment to look at him, right in the eye.

How can he miss Nico so much when the boy was less than thirty feet from him?

Nico looked away as quickly as he had stared, looking like he wasn’t hearing a thing of what Annabeth was telling Hazel. He smiled sweetly and closed his eyes as the midday sun shone brightly; it shone in Nico’s dark skin and made his curly hair be tousled by the wind. Percy took a deep breath and felt that sweetened smell come crashing into him, like the air current was bringing it especially to him, that perfume he had learned to love during his time in New Rome.

Soon, they would leave.

Percy leaned his head on his knees and hid his face away, curling up into himself, trying not to think of anything. He just wanted to stay there, looking up to the enormous statue of Athena Paternos and, even though it was a relief to put his feet on the grass and feel the scent of the wet land, the uncertainty of what may come in their away made him want to crawl back to his mom and hold her tight, like it was the solution to all their problems.

He wished he had the time to just stop and think about what to do next.

Instead, he frowned and kept both arms crossed against his legs.

What if they win? What if they don't? What is he supposed to do? Live a happy little life by Annabeth’s side? Go back to his mother's house? Or maybe, just maybe, go to live with Poseidon in Atlantis?

What about Nico? What would happen to him?

So, that's it, that was what really was upsetting him. Was Nico with his dark hair falling over his face, his olive and fair, almost pale skin, and his melancholic eyes, moving his strong and efficient arms, attaching the rope around the statue and himself, tying the knot as tight as he could.

Percy stayed exactly where he was, with his head propped on his kneed and staring at Nico, without understanding. He didn´t remember the last time he had looked at him; stopped and really seen Nico for what he was, at least, not before the memory loss.

When did it happen? When did he lost the track of time and missed the moment Nico had changed so much?

Nico wasn't that small and fragile boy anymore. Even though the boy still carried that old annoyed expression, the thin body and innocence had given place to broad shoulders and strong arms, ridden under baggy clothing. He didn’t need to touch Nico to feel the waves of power and rage coming off of him, and one thing was very clear, even from where he was hiding; Nico was doing his best to ignore everyone around him.

Everyone and, especially, Percy.

What was he thinking?

Percy frowned, shifting restlessly, his hands itching to touch and his body stubbornly leaning forward, like that could make the distance disappear. Shaking his head and trying to clear his mind, Percy looked to the ground, his face warming up, averting his gaze right after. Then, he chooses to change direction, gazing at Athena Paternos, observing all the complex knots that Nico's hands were doing, his motions feeling like a hypnosis, lolling him into calmness bit by bit. He looked because was the only thing he could do; because he didn't want to break the spell, or even worst, make Nico more angry.

Not that he wanted to move, he was just fine like this. He didn't have any intention.

But he… he didn’t understand. From where this was coming from? All this... curiosity? He loved Annabeth, right...? No, he wouldn’t lie to himself. Percy still loved Annabeth, but not as he used to, not since Nico had appeared at the door of his home, offering help against the Titans. Or, maybe, even before that. Maybe all those months away from Annabeth had only proved the truth. Maybe it was the fate, making him see what he needed to see, that the time spent by Nico side, fighting to forget every time he looked to the boy, was to show how wrong he was.

How could it ever be wrong to fall in love with this gentle, powerful, loyal and proud guy he had met in better times? How could he ever forget that Nico had protected him, how the boy had fitted perfectly in jut of his arms and moaned his name so nicely, just for him to hear. Was something he hadn't seen before, not from Nico, and now, was hard to live without. Percy closed his eyes and sighed, he had changed too. He was holding tightly to his older self, holding like it was his only salvation, but, just because Annabeth was safe and harmless, helping him bring back that innocent boy who loved his best friend, because that was easier than showing his true self.

But sometimes, Percy hated himself. He couldn't say if the new Percy was better, but he knew, this new guy was the most truthful, brave and sincere version of himself, just ready to let go; he was the one who loved the successes taste and adrenaline, that maybe didn't want to live the same old things or do what was expected of him. Until when would he have to be careful about what he's doing? Until when would he have to hide what was inside of him?

Percy couldn’t do this anymore, and all those sweet memories... sometimes from the time spent with Nico in Now Rome, and other times, even before losing his memory. It was so confusing he felt like running away. Not because it was unpleasant, far from that. Were times of--of sex and discovering, shamelessly pleasure and no regrets, where the name Annabeth navigated his mind without any purpose or emotion that could connect the name to a person, not even his intuition prevent him from getting off with Nico. In fact, she had told him it was the right thing to do. Because that was more than attraction; it was a concern, was a kind of affection that always pounded away at his mind, something that seemed to haul him in Nico's direction, especially when he was ignored or obligated to walk away.

Percy needed this, just a touch, he had to get closer and see for himself how Nico was, see if they still fit like before, if his skin still felt as soft as he recalled, to tell if Nico still had the same scent. But you see, that one was a difficult task, always had been, because, there was the Italian, ignoring him, again, pretending to be focused on the statue already tied. Now, how could Percy blame Nico? He was the one who ignored first, right after the first year when Bianca had died. Guiltily, he had left Nico, a little boy, to decide. His first big mistake. The worst of all.

That was his fault and only his. He choose to keep the easier option and now he have to face the consequences.

Percy, then, just opened his eyes and let his instincts take care of everything else. He got up, ignoring the prying eyes and stopped right behind Nico, not willing to start a conversation or to go away.

He gulped and opened his mouth, closing it again, uncertain.

Not a sound came out.

Percy wasn't a coward, he had already destroyed a thousand monsters. That should be easy, right?

He knew, just by imagining Nico rejecting him would hurt, but ... hearing an acceptance? That would hurt even more. Because it all means Percy could never do the same.  But... he... in those war times... he needed to apologize. He didn't want Nico going away angry with him, even if knowing, deep down, that it couldn't be just that.

The truth was, be away from Nico would always feel wrong, would always feel like a part of himself was missing.

He rather not think about it.

Yes, this way was better.

At least, at the moment.

Just for now.

…

"Stop looking at me like that." Nico whispered, without looking back, straighten the ropes around Athena Paternos.

"I... how are you?" Percy said, putting his hand in his pocket and looking down.

"Well." He heard Nico's strained and raspy voice, feeling a shiver run through his body. He loved hearing that voice right when he was about to... Percy cleared his throat and peeked between his lashes, seeing the demigod checking one more time the damn knot, to verify if they were well attached, in another useless try to buy some time and not look at him.

Percy was tired. He really was bad at this.

"Nico, I need--"

"What you need is go back to the ship. Soon they will leave."

Annoyed, Percy snapped. He gripped Nico's shoulders and made Nico turn to face him.

The boy in front of him had swollen eyes and tears running down his olive skin.

He really was an asshole.

Ignoring what he should do, Percy got closer to Nico and surrounded him in an awkward embrace. Ffirst, with one arm and then, with another when he saw he wouldn't be pushed away, bringing Nico even closer, holding him tight and nice, feeling all of him.

Percy smiled and leaned his head on the top of Nico's black hair, sliding his hands slowly across Nico's back and shoulders, afraid to cause any kind of violent reaction, but the only thing Percy heard was a chocked gasp.

Hmmm... Percy liked that noise.

So, just to test his theory, Percy squeezed him tighter, feeling more than hearing, a sweet muttered moan, and even more surprised, he felt strong arms pressing against his sides and a grasping hand grabbing his waist with an iron grip as a rushed breath landed on his neck, just as Nico's head rested on his shoulder.

"I am so sorry, baby." Percy said, lowing his neck and slotting his head on the gap of Nico's shoulder, feeling that familiar scent, something sweetened and floral. He stayed like that, talking quietly on Nico's ear, just like a shared secret, just a moment between them, just theirs.

"I did everything wrong, I know." He said, feeling Nico shuddering in his arms and letting himself be lulled into that last embrace.

"I should've had cared more. I should've had done something."

Both knew what Percy was talking about.

"Can you forgive me?" He whispered, holding Nico tightly. "Can you forgive for what I've done?

 _I hope, someday, you can._ He wanted to say.

And, then, just like that, Percy let Nico go gently, feeling like he didn't have control over his own body, feeling like all he wanted to do was go back and take Nico away and hide him from the rest of the world.

He felt the exact moment when Nico blinked, coming back to what the world had turned them in to. Nico stared at Percy without expression, with his damp face and big bright eyes, making Percy wish their lives could be different.

"It makes no difference. Now that you have a clear conscience, you can go back to your girlfriend." Nico straightened his back and turned around on his wheels, placing the last one of the ropes, holding the statue on his body, as if he was planning to carrying it on his back.

"Nico, I can’t!"

"Yes, you can." Nico said, angrily, showing to Percy that old anger. "You can go away without caring about who you leave behind. You can go back to your girlfriend and you can forget what just happened. Because this is all we ever gonna have. Nothing but fake memories. I wish you all the happiness in the world. 

Without any more words, Nico turned around and watched Reyna e Hedge coming in their direction, with full body armor, ready for the battlefield. Percy took a step back and saw the moment when they rejoined and held hands, having a last glimpse of Nico's dark and miserable eyes.

The worse of all was knowing it was all his fault.

**Author's Note:**

> So... do I deserve a comment? Tell me what you spect from here.  
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
